Josh Pacheco

Once upon a time, there was a hideous man named Claudius-II who was the newly appointed emperor of Rome.  Claudius’ empire had become larger than it had ever been.This was cause for trouble because it was constantly under attack by neighboring civilizations.  Rome suffered greatly from these attacks and needed more and more men to defend it.  As well as a threat from the outside, the Roman Empire suffered from internal chaos caused by high taxes.  As a result, Rome needed more and more soldiers to defend it from the inside out.

As a solution, Claudius issued an edict which completely banned marriage within the empire. He felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, would not make good soldiers. 

Hearing this, our hero, Valentine, a bishop, met young lovers in secret locations and joined them in the sacrament of matrimony, only to be caught by the emperor.  The emperor was impressed by Valentine’s dignity and conviction and attempted to convert him to the Roman Gods.  This would save him from certain execution.  Valentine, however, refused to recognize the Roman Gods and even attempted to convert the emperor, knowing the consequences fully. 

On February 24, 270 AD Valentine was martyred and became a saint.

It is  rumored that while Valentine was in prison awaiting his fate, he came in contact with his jailor, Asterius.  The jailer had a blind daughter.  And, because of Valentine’s miraculous faith, he was able to heal her.  Just before his execution, he asked for a pen and paper and wrote a farewell letter to the jailer’s daughter,  which he signed, “From Your Valentine.”  A  phrase that still  holds true today.

What a great story!  In an age where a forty-dollar bouquet of roses and reservations at an expensive restaurant is the norm for a couple on Valentine’s Day, what moral can we capture from our friend, Valentine?  The lesson is pretty simple: St. Valentine’s Day is not an obligation, but a chance to show those we love that they are loved.  Mr. Valentine gave the Romans the chance then and he still gives us the chance today. 

I’ll be the first to admit that it is easy to make Valentine’s Day complicated by going overboard on red-velvet boxed chocolates and gigantic stuffed teddy bears.  But, what is important, is that you recognize that you have someone special in your life and are happier for it. 

Don’t get me wrong.  Going to great effort to make V-Day special is a nice way to show affection, and I think that nothing gives more pleasure than knowing you made your loved one’s Valentine’s Day a special one.  Just don’t overlook the most important thing: You have each other!
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Melissa McGuire

But, while you‘re waiting, what do you think about that new law the Colorado legislature has proposed regarding a pet owner’s right to sue for emotional damages?  It’s a Republican-sponsored measure that would allow pet owners to sue their veterinarians and other persons who might abuse the owner’s pets.  The maximum dollar amount is a mere $100K. And that, as any pet owner will tell you, is not enough to compensate for the loss of their pet.

I am appalled that our legislature is even considering this bill.  Now, I am absolutely positive that the legislative branch of government has nothing better to do than make our lives more difficult and confound the populous with ridiculous  laws. 

Imagine for a moment, a pet-owner who considers her little “Bichon Frise” a member of the family. She takes the doggie to the vet and the vet says, “I’m sorry, your dog has terminal, pancreatic cancer.  It would better to euthanize her than to let her suffer.”  Ok, great.  So, Our Lady of Sorrow puts down her dog. Only after this procedure, she thinks, wait a minute… the new law says I can sue anyone who abuses my dog! 

Guess what? The vet gets sued, most likely loses (because it is an emotional issue, the loss of this dog) and adjusts his rates to cover the cost.  The next person  (like, say, me) who comes in with a cat that needs to be spayed, thus helping reduce the number of strays and lost pets destroyed every year, has to pay a lot more now.   It’s, like, FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! to get my cat spayed.  Okay, I’m  exaggerating, but only by a factor of about 50. Anyone think this couldn’t happen?  Just keep this in mind: a lady recently won $72K from a furniture store because her unruly son got in her way causing her to trip.  Her claim:  the furniture store did not have a PA system announcment that children should be kept under control.  True story.

The average number of pets destroyed in Colorado over the last several years, according to an insider at the Denver Dumb Friend’s league, is about 25,000.  Due, in part, to the cost of neutering.  Some pet owners do not really care one way or the other whether their pets are spayed or neutered, and others believe that their pet has the right to choose whether or not to mate.

If members of a family have full reproductive rights, then shouldn’t family members be able to inherit money?

Yep, there is actually a law on the books in Colorado (and 13 other states) that allows a pet owner to leave their estate, money and real property to their pet.  What the hell were they thinking? A Last Will and Testament, by its very nature, by the clauses contained therein, are supposed to indicate that the individual is of sound mind, right?  I mean, really. Correct me if I’m wrong, because that is what I have always heard.

Some questions:  Are we really going to let someone leave their money to Spunky Cat?  What’s the cat going to do with it?  Go to Aruba on a deep sea fishing adventure?  Come on!  How sane is a person who leaves their money to an animal?  An animal cannot even conceptualize the purpose of money.  My cat could care less if I left it the $39.04 I’m currently worth.  What’s my cat going to do with a check?  It would be better off if I had a provision in my will to send it to a no-kill shelter, and left the money to the shelter.  See? That makes more sense!

Well, once again, I’ve talked all through your coffee break. Hey, go hit the books! Maybe,  someday YOU can make the laws in this country. Please, just remember to be sane, for my sake and my cat’s.

What’s the cat going to do with it?  Go to Aruba on a deep sea fishing adventure?

Jenni Grubbs

For me, Valentine’s Day is a day of hope, anger and many Kleenex.

Dating has always been a really hard thing for me, but who doesn’t have a hard time with it?

Yet, on Valentine’s Day, I really become aware of my singleness. It surrounds me as I realize that no one will buy me candy or flowers, that I have no one to wear that special little somethin’-somethin’ for.

I usually get through this ordeal by watching tons of sappy movies that I use my economy size tissue box up on.

I buy my own candy, and, hey, I know what kind of candy I like best and who doesn’t want an excuse to hit the Godiva at Park Meadows or Cherry Creek.

Being a “big girl” isn’t easy this time of year. I consider myself a fat activist, of sorts; but when the air is full of love and I’m all alone, I can’t help but be down on myself for being fat.

Yes, fat. I am. I admit it and announce it. I don’t consider it a bad thing. Is it too much to ask for someone to feel the same way and feel something about me?

I have a lot to offer to someone. I’m a smart, mobile student with a good job potential who is passionate and friendly. (At least, I think I am.)

Valentine’s Day may  be over-commercialized and trite, but I hope that some year I will get to celebrate one in style. That’s my little girl dream and the reason why I keep watching all those romantic comedies that Hollywood keeps churning out because people like me (girls who are single and overweight) need that fantasy.

Why is it that the girls in those movies are never overweight? Why can’t a “real” girl get the guy (or girl, as it may be)? I would like some evidence besides My Big Fat Greek Wedding that a normal, not-necessarily beautiful and skinny girl can be happy romantically.

I would like Valentine’s Day (and Hollywood) to be more representative of the love-thing as a whole.

Instead of celebrating the beautiful, perfect relationships of beautiful, perfect people that rarely exist outside of the movies, it should celebrate people’s capacity to love, in whatever form that takes. Valentine’s Day should be for best friends, sisters, pets, lovers, all of it.

Until Hallmark and Russell Stover catch up with that utopian fantasy I’ll continue to hope for some romantic time of my own and spend my own money on candy and Kleenex. and wear that little somethin’-somethin’ just for myself until I have someone who’ll appreciate it, and me, for me.

I would like Valentine’s Day to be more representative of the love-thing as a whole.
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José Rocha

Is it something to be taken seriously?  I would sure hope so.  But to what extent do we take it?  In no way should we start digging our backyards up and constructing bomb shelters—many learned the cost of that lesson after the Cuban missile-crisis.  But the alert would be best taken to the extent of reality.  A reality that can be titled with the date 9/11/01.

Not too long ago, violent terrorists attacks sparked a world of issues, leaving a lingering reminder that haunts our very well being today.  From biological threats of Anthrax in the mail to planes crashing into buildings, etc.,  we need not let our guard down.

So, when President Bush raises the homeland security alert status to high, we would be best to direct our attention towards terrorist threats.  Though this nation may have succumbed to comfort before the attacks, we need not stray back into the arms of safety.  For these are the times we live in, and for many of our older generation, it is a reminder of living in a not so perfect America that feared these threats before. 

We mustn’t stop living our daily lives! That’s what the terrorists want.  But by educating ourselves and increasing our awareness, we begin to fight terrorism in our own way.  Terrorists are not as hungry to hurt without the element of surprise.  Our awareness can serve as a deterrent to terrorism.  Not only does it serve to be better prepared, but also, our vigilance appears to be more predator than prey.
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Letters to the Editor
Reader thinks Auraria anti-free speech

Dear Editor,

The anti-sidewalk chalking policies of the AHEC (Auraria Higher Education Center) are simply more proof that the Aururia campus has been seized by anti-free speech business fascists.

Colleges and universities across the nation are non-controlled by the capitalist business dictatorship.  they calculate that if they can capture the minds of college students, they will continue to maintain and expand their system of domination and exploitation over the rest of society. 

The AHEC and it’s anti-free speech policy, hopes to supress the truth about the business schools—that they are simply student brainwashing factories teaching the use of capitalist manipulation and power tactics to be employed against regular working people.

If students wish to receive a proper education they must demand to know the identities of the anti-free speech AHEC members.  Names, phone numbers and addresses should be printed in every issue of the three Auraria campus newspapers.  Reporters should attend their meetings.

- John Cassella

(Ed. Note:  Auraria does not have an “anti-free speech” policy.  It is, however, illegal in the State of Colorado to deface others’ property.)
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The Gadfly
Brian P. Reed
Opinion Editor

When the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro.
—Hunter S. Thompson

Splendid, my friend!  And you?  I just overheard at the “water cooler” that many consider me some conservative, right-wing, war hawk.  Beat still, Mr. Limbaugh.  Kiss my ass!

Although I may have suggested or mentioned blowing off the heads, then urinating on the corpses of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, I have never, ever, condoned the killing of innocent people (although, in this case, all means are justified for a justified end).  This being said, I walk with head held high . . . and, now I segue . . . .

I’ll be the first to raise my weapon against the guilty of September 11.  But I must admit, the biggest “Jackass of the Year” medal goes to our president, George, who has, through the creation of the NSA and the Patriot Act, annihilated the foundation of the Fourth Amendment.  We have been put in a position to piss away our “freedom” dollars without any hope of continued or resurrected sustenance.  We will die like dogs trying feverishly to lick what remains of our constitutional rights.

My friend, trust me.  For instance, when confronted by an “official” with a weapon, always answer, “NO!”  As Mr. Gonzo the Great has noted, “NO” means “NO.” 

For example: •If pulled over by an “official”  and asked “Do you know you were speeding?”  Answer,  “NO.”

•If asked, “Did you know that these skid marks suggest that you were traveling 125 mph in a 45 mph zone?”  Answer, “NO.”

•If asked, “Do you have a license and proof of insurance?”  Answer, “NO.”

•If asked, “Is this your car?”  Answer, “NO.”

•If asked, “Did you know that our state requires seat belts to be worn at all times?”  Answer, “NO.”

•If asked, “Did you know that it is illegal to carry an open container of alcohol?”  Answer, “NO.”

•If asked, “Did you know that it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon?”  Answer, “NO.”

•If asked, “Is that your gun?”  Answer, “NO.”

•If asked, “Is that gun loaded?”  Answer, “NO.”

•If asked, “Do you know that you have been drinking, carrying alcohol and are currently sitting at the end of a dead end street at the top of a hill in a totalled, uninsured $40,000 BMW with a small automatic handgun in the passenger seat?”  Answer, “NO.”

Just hope you get lucky and have a beautiful officer who believes you and is willing to drive you home without writing a single ticket.  Trust me, my friend.  I know.
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