Spring is in the air

As the divorce rate among married couples continues to rise, there’s not a greater time to be single than right now.  It seems that even the animal kingdom is starting to catch on to the idea that the married life is for the birds.  However, the birds might disagree.  According to an Oct. 2000 issue of Natural History Magazine, blue tits (Parus caeruleus), relatives of North American chickadees, rarely stick with one mate.

The article said blue tit females studied on the Mediterranean island of Corsica abandon a previous mate 60 percent of the time.  It said while males cling to the old homestead, many females simply move to habitats where vegetation is denser, caterpillars are more abundant, and parasites are less profuse.  As if his name isn’t humiliating enough, the poor blue tit male gets humped and dumped by the high maintenance female and is forced to spend the rest of mating season alone.  Am I the only one that sees a striking coincidence here?

Although mating season for humans is year-round, I consider it to officially begin with the onset of Spring.  That’s when you find out if the dozen roses and box of chocolates from Valentine's Day actually pays off in the sack.  You might be able to pull off your “lance romance” routine with great success, but you are bound to run into a blue tit eventually.

So who are these blue tits and how can they be avoided?

Well, blue tits are everywhere and surely spreading.  These days it doesn’t matter if she’s a stripper or an ice cream scooper, because it seems that all girls are simply after your can of worms.

If she asks you what kind of car you drive, she’s a blue tit.

If she wants you to bring her Starbucks to her work, she’s a blue tit.
If she randomly shows you store catalogs selling sexy lingerie in hopes that you will buy her a “surprise gift”, she’s a blue tit.

My advice is to not get attached to the blue tits, keep your credit card number to yourself, and find some birds of a different feather.

DEALING WITH REJECTION

Nobody likes getting rejected or shut down.  As much as guys try to hide it, when we get rejected, it can really change our mood for several hours.  For some guys, if they are really stuck on a girl it can put them into a deep state of depression that can last for years.
The best way to deal with rejection is to not put yourself in a situation where you can get rejected.  Don’t be one of those losers that uses pick-up lines or any other crafty one-liners that you thought of during one of your wet dreams.  If you do, your chances of getting flat-out rejected are almost certain.

Instead, go to a place that has a dance floor with a lot of females to choose from.  Find a girl that you are attracted to and start dancing close to her.  Make some eye contact, but don’t say anything because what comes out of your mouth can spoil it all.  Just make sure you left your overalls at home and hope that your dance moves are as smooth as Usher’s.  The worst that could possibly happen is for her to give you a strange look and walk away.  That’s called getting dissed.  And there is a big difference from getting dissed and getting rejected.  When you get rejected you feel like buddying up with Bin Laden in a cave, but when you get dissed it’s a lot easier to move on.

Gordon Gillmore, 33, a regular at downtown clubs, has no problem with getting rejected.  He has the ability to brush it off and move on without letting it get to him.
“I usually approach a girl I like and ask her if she wants to do shots,” he said.  “It has a success rate of about 50/50.”

Gillmore, like many other guys, said he prefers a petite brunette, educated, non-smoker, with a good sense of humor.  That seems to be a reasonable request, but once you get rejected your preferences can change entirely.

Jason Marcus, 23, a regular at Blue 67 in Denver was completely changed after getting rejected.

“I got rejected by a beautiful model-chick who looked exactly like Carmen Electra,” said Marcus.  “The next day I hit on the fattest chick in the bar, and ended up taking her home.”
Marcus said ever since then he’s had a thing for voluptuous girls because he has come to realize that it’s not all about looks.

“There’s just more to cuddle with in bed,” he said.  “They also aren’t high maintenance.  All it takes for a good night is a comfy sofa and a big bag of Doritos.”

But not every guy can recover from rejection as easily as Marcus did.

If you are one of those highly emotional guys who can’t deal with rejection or getting dissed, I suggest something to boost your self-esteem.  One way is to change your physical appearance.  After getting denied, run into the bathroom and do as many pushups as you can.  You will walk out feeling refreshed and confident.  Otherwise, you could vent your rejection onto other people.  Maybe it would make you feel better if you went to the bar, ordered a drink and didn’t lay down a tip.  That way someone else other than you is getting dissed.  And if you are really looking to balance it all out, take that drink that you didn’t tip for, find the girl who rejected you and “accidentally” spill it all over her nice, clean outfit.  While she screams about her freshly stained Gucci top, you will get high-5’s from every guy in the room and all the other girls will admire your bravery.  You will have become the true mack daddy of them all.

Just kidding, actually you will end up in a hospital after everybody takes turns stomping on your head.

THE STAMPEDE

The Stampede, located at 2430 South Havana St. in Aurora, tops my list of great nightclubs for bachelors.  Every Wednesday is ladies night and you can guarantee to see a great assortment of eye candy.  It has a western feel to it and the music on Wednesday mixes between country and house.  But the place is a meat market so you need to have your game on, otherwise you will be sitting in a corner with the rest of the sad cowboys.
John Fenstermacher is the nightclub manager at the Stampede and has been working in the industry for twenty years.

“It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen,” said Fenstermacher.  “If you’re a single guy looking for a girl, this is the place to be.”

Fenstermacher has been working for the Stampede for the past eleven years and said the country-style of the club doesn’t stop the Lodos crowd from stomping on in. 
He said Wednesdays are the biggest nights of the week for the Stampede mainly because of their ladies night specials.  Ladies get in free and drink free wine, well, and draft from 8-midnight.  And the guys, who pay a $5 cover, are sure to follow.

“We see well over 1500 people come in on Wednesday nights,” said Fenstermacher.  “And 500-600 single women can be in the room at any given time.”

Fenstermacher is amazed at how well word of mouth is spreading about Wednesday nights.  He said the Stampede has not spent one dollar on advertising, but is still able to turn out one of the biggest crowds in Denver.