With spring break only days away, some students are making
last minute preparations for their big trip. The hotspot
cities this year are South Padre, Cancun, Panama City,
South Beach, and Las Vegas to name a few. Those who are
leaving for spring break are thrilled, while the ones
who are staying home are depressed. Jordan Combs, a Metro
sophomore will be staying in town for spring break and
wishes for nothing more than to go someplace fun.
“I am not looking forward to the break at all,”
Combs said. “All I’m going to be doing is helping
my mom clean the house and looking for a job.”
Combs did not book a trip this year because he thought
he didn’t have enough money to go anywhere. To his
surprise this week, he saw a commercial ad for Greyhound
that is selling a $99 round trip bus ride to any city in
the U.S.
“I wish I would have known about that before,”
Combs said. “But now it’s too late, there’s
nothing I can do.”
However Combs said he doesn’t feel completely left
out because he plans on watching everyone else have fun
on television. MTV will be airing its programs broadcasted
from South Beach, Fla., and Combs plans on sitting on his
couch watching every minute of them.
Have fun buddy, I’ll be thinking of you while I’m
in Cancun.
Yes, this year me and my best amigo will be sitting on
a white sandy beach with a big bottle of Tequilla and a
dozen topless girls by our side. Well I don’t know
about the last part, but we will be in Cancun partying as
hard as we can.
Luis Salazar is a security officer at the Solymar, one
of the most popular hotels for students in Cancun. I warned
Salazar that I would be staying at the Solymar during my
spring break and that he should expect some trouble.
“I’m not worried,” said Salazar. “I’ve
seen it all down here. You and your friends can party as
much as you want to, but if you step out of line I won’t
hesitate to throw your ass in jail.”
Salazar told me about the Mexican prisons and how the rats
and cockroaches outnumber the inmates 1000:1.
“It’s not fun, trust me,” said Salazar.
“And we don’t clean the cells before you arrive,
so you are likely to be sitting next to piles of vomit and
poop.”
Wow, sounds like a blast, please sign me up for the tour.
Salazar said he is familiar with the term, ‘what
happens in Cancun, stays in Cancun’. He said the prisons
have something similar, ‘what happens in the Mexican
jail cell, stays in the Mexican jail cell’.
He said in the past, students have been beaten to death
in the jail cells and the families are rarely notified.
Zack Thompson, a senior at CU-Boulder is one of the lucky
individuals who have been in a Mexican prison and lived
to tell about it.
“It was absolutely terrible,” said Thompson.
“It was a nightmare and I will remember it for the
rest of my life. The place smelled like a sewer and the
people in there were crazy.”
Thompson was arrested in Cancun for running naked through
the Radisson hotel lobby and urinating on a bellman. Thompson
was fortunate enough to have friends that bailed him out
in a few hours.
“I was drunk and stupid at the time,” said
Thompson. “But nobody deserves to be in there for
an entire night.”
A recent article published by www.uwire.com
said that this year, Cancun is cracking down on partying.
The article said new rules are being implemented by the
Office of Tourism to minimize the rowdy celebrations. The
rules include no public sex or nudity, no drinking or urinating
in the street, no free rides on public transportation and
no rudeness or disruptions of public order. It said when
students arrive at the airport in Cancun, they will be asked
to sign a code of conduct in which they promise to abide
by the rules. However, many students, including myself,
laugh at their attempt to enforce stability in the world’s
biggest party town. I can only wish them luck.
ATTACK ON A RACK
Ever since men have had the
ability to flip through lingerie catalogs, they have been
obsessed with boobs. It started back when you were a little
boy, and your parents would litter the Christmas tree with
presents. You would get remote control cars and Spiderman
lunch boxes while your little sister would get Barbie dolls
and little plastic ovens to make cupcakes. But it was something
about that Barbie doll that would catch your eye. Aside
from her beautiful long, blonde hair and flawless body,
a strange curiosity would be aroused from the two grape-sized
lumps underneath her blouse. Now being a little upstanding
gentleman, you wouldn't say anything at first, but you would
go to bed at night with only one thought in mind.
What are those perky little
lumps underneath Barbie's blouse, and why do I want to touch
them? From that point on it was only a matter of time before
the temptation won you over, and you were forced to sneak
into your sister's room in the middle of the night and snatch
Barbie from her dollhouse.
Then the next day you and
your friends would gather in the treehouse for an emergency
meeting. As Barbie lay silent in your lunchbox, you sat
all of your friends down and told them that from this point
on their lives would be changed forever. Then you opened
your lunchbox and proudly displayed the doll of beauty and
mystery. While you held her in the air grasping her tiny
plastic feet, your friends stared in awe, and wondered what
was underneath that little blue blouse. It was time to find
out. And with one quick pull of your fingers, her dress
was snatched off and her naked, fabricated body of delicacy
was exposed to your jaw-dropping mouth. Welcome to puberty.
Since then, nothing has changed.
We still go to the bars and clubs with “boob tunnel
vision”, and all the girls know it. That’s why
when they go out, they wear the smallest, tightest tank
top possible. They love the attention. So when a girl starts
complaining to you about guys looking at their chest too
much, please do me a favor, and give them a reality check
by setting your beer bottle in their cleavage.
 |
| Cindy Spanky, a freshman at the National Institute
of Debutantes. |
Cindy Spanky, 18, is a National
Institute of Debutantes freshman who knows how to show
off her boobs. Spanky is the proud and lucky owner of
a pair of 12A (no that’s not a typo).
Spanky, who is currently
single, said she is looking for a guy who can appreciate
her jugs, but not obsess over them. She said her last
boyfriend kept his hands on them even while she was trying
to study for final exams.
“It got to be really
annoying,” she said. “He loved my boobies so
much I just had to dump him. Now he is constantly asking
me to send pictures of them.”
Spanky said her diminutive-sized
tits have proven to be rather useful when cleaning her
dorm room. She said while her hands do the dirty work,
her boobs hold the cleaning supplies.
“I can put a roll of
paper towel, a bottle of cleaner, and my cell phone all
in the crack of my cleavage at the same time,” she
said. “I can fit all sorts of things in between my
boobs.”
---Watch for Jeff Maher’s
next bachelor beat on April 2, 2003, when he shares his
day-by-day experiences in Cancun during spring break!!---
