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I saw several films at the 26th Starz Denver International Film Festival
this year and I was, in turn, entertained, amused and distracted from
my daily life, and that’s exactly what I expected. This film,
however, interrupted my expectations and brought me closer than I’d
ever been into the mind of someone who suffers from schizophrenia.
“People Say I’m Crazy” is a disturbing, yet intensely
real documentary which starts out with an ordinary young man, John
Cadigan, who becomes afflicted with the disease in his third year
of college. He could have been any one of the hundreds of young men
we see every day at school. He didn’t look unusual or stand
out as being different. He had dreams much the same as you and I and
planned to be an artist and a sculptor.
Then, one day, everything changed. He suffered a psychotic break.
A multitude of events marked his next 10 years as we follow him on
his journey into schizophrenia. He became catatonic. He went through
electro-convulsive therapy. He suffered from depression. He became
paranoid and constantly mistrusted people’s motives. He couldn’t
differentiate between reality and the false reality his mind provided.
His mind began unwinding on itself and he could no longer read or
write.
He had times when he was suicidal and thought a lot about death.
He became an alcoholic in an effort to self-medicate and he cut himself;
tiny, repetitious cuts on his arms. We understand that this could
have become a much larger issue when he says “If I didn’t
carve wood, I would carve myself.”
Doctors misdiagnosed him in the beginning. They gave his disease
different names or only hinted that it might be schizophrenia, and
for one reason or another were hesitant to tell him the truth. Not
until he was correctly diagnosed and found a doctor who began to work
with him and medicate him in the way he needed, did he begin to make
noticeable progress.
It has not been an easy road for John, or for his family. His mother
moved from Boston to California to be near him and he visits her often.
He feels safe at her house. His sister Katie was also hugely supportive,
and worked with him on the filming of this documentary. His whole
family was involved in his disease and they continue to be involved
as he recovers to whatever point he can reach.
One of the things that really impressed me about John and the film
was that, through it all, he was still able to do his woodcuts and
prints and was also able to retain his art and his passion for it.
A high point, both in his life and in the film, was an art exhibit
put on entirely by artists with mental illnesses. When asked if the
illness made any difference to his art, John said he didn’t
know because, “The illness . . . is woven into who I am and
I can’t separate out what comes from the illness.”
John and Katie fielded questions from the audience after the film.
The theater was packed and all but three people stayed for the entire
question and answer session. One notable comment came from a psychiatric
nurse who said, “I have worked with patients for 35 years and
never truly understood them from the inside. This will change the
way I work. Thank you!”
Another therapist, who has a patient who was recently diagnosed as
schizophrenic, said, “My hope, as a therapist, is that this
film becomes available to be used as a teaching tool for mental and
medical health workers and that it also be used to educate the general
public.”
John is one of the lucky ones. On his Website he said, “If
my family and doctor hadn’t given me such intense support, I’d
probably be dead by now.”
But not everyone has family. Many have been abandoned or discarded
by their families and struggle through this disease alone. John’s
words of advice to us were: “Open up your hearts and your compassion
and try to embrace these people. Listen to them. Have a whole lot
of compassion and don’t blame them.”
Still, John isn’t healed. This film has no fairy tale ending.
There is no miracle cure to keep him from slipping again and it’s
still a daily struggle for him to identify what is real.
No, John isn’t healed, but he wants us to know he is much better
now and is still making art.
The film is available for $295 and has been recently purchased by
HBO. For more information go to www.peoplesayimcrazy.org.
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