Vegans find ways around meat-centric holidays

'Tis a turbulent plight to be a socially conscious individual on Thanksgiving. There's the history of conquest and destruction of indigenous societies marking the occasion, the sampling of all-American gluttony in our methods of celebration and of course, the greatest kick-in-the-pants, making the holiday even more difficult: veganism.

That's right, folks, no meat, no butter, no milk, no eggs and no honey. While most vegetarians can at least enjoy a majority of Thanksgiving sides, a vegan must turn away from these dishes due to the fact they are basted in butter and smothered in cream. Upon approaching the typical Thanksgiving table, it may seem that the only option available to those of us devout vegans would be a dressing-free garden salad.

Do not think the decision to be a vegan is one limited to great loss, though. Really, I consider it an advantage. Aside from the ethical factors regarding animal welfare, worker's rights, environmental destruction and personal health there are many other perks to refusing to consume animal products. For my comrades in this lofty dietary decision, there are some positives that we must remember at this truly trying time.

Not only do I love turkeys as living beings, I love the fact that I can be certain my "Tofurkey" is not going to bring home some sort of feathered funk like the avian flu.

Speaking of funk, Thanksgiving turkey is not the only thing carrying wee beasties. According to the United States Department of Health's Pasteurized Milk Ordinance, there can be as many as 50 million pus cells, strains of staph, strep and salmonella, as well as a healthy dose of hormones and antibiotics chilling in every cup of two percent milk you drink on the side or pour in your mashed potatoes.

Besides the lack of germs spawning in my Thanksgiving dinner, I know that I will have a much more interesting meal. Meat substitutes have advanced greatly over the past few years, granting us vegans many more meal options.

My personal favorite plate filler is seitan (pronounced say-tan), a delicious wheat gluten faux-meat that can be purchased either prepared or made by hand. It is versatile, tasty and there is no real meat product that sounds like the name of our Dark Lord. What's a better retort to a celebration of Christian conquest than a sinfully delicious dinner party featuring oven roasted seitan?

Furthermore, consider the abundance of exotic and unheard of foods you can eat. Sure, the family can eat a dead bird, but you can have such joys as falafel, curry, cruelty-free gyoza or beans and rice. Who needs flu-ridden corpses when a little piece of Cuba, India or Jordan can be taken in on this not-so-celebratory occasion?

If all else fails, my dear friends of the feathered and furry, wait until the family passes out from the large amounts of tryptophan found in their turkey, then steal their wallets and treat yourself to some soy ice cream.