How
I fell for a
derby ‘Doll’
Jeremy
Johnson
jjohn308@mscd.edu
I
had only heard of such a thing as a myth, something I saw
once in a Raquel Welch movie.
But,
on St. Patrick’s Day, I was drawn by the siren song of the Denver
Roller Dolls and now I’ve found my new favorite pastime: roller derby.
For
those who have seen the aforementioned movie or have other preconceived notions
about the validity of roller derby, you are sadly mistaken and a sure
victim to the dolls’ dangerous ways. Roller derby is as real a sport
as I’ve seen in some time and far more dangerous and painful than, say,
golf, baseball or basketball.
The
Dolls’ uniforms are a savage punk-rock combination of stitched fatigues
and tank tops with stenciled names, numbers and patches ranging from PBR to
Bukowski. But, who among us could concentrate on the uniforms?
Simply put, the Dolls were ever so hot, wearing tiny skirts and an array of
flashy underwear they had no objection to showing off.
Take
fan-favorite Pho Kyu, for instance. After becoming the lead jammer during a
session, Kyu raised her skirt up to reveal the message printed on her behind:
KISS MY KYU.
See, now you’re a fan, too.
But
the action is brutal nonetheless and strategy reigns supreme for the more skillful
derby Dolls. One misguided whip can land a jammer on her ass, and
that’s when the pileup begins. And some of the jammers, who tend to take
the bottom of the pile, are slim, petite, fast and agile girls. The blockers
who fall on them from behind are of considerably larger girth.
In
the end, the sport is exciting, vile and ill mannered, and the most fun I’ve had on a Friday night in a very long time.
And
then there was the after-party at Three Kings Tavern on 60 S. Broadway. I began
my interviews of the Dolls after two Guinness and two shots of Jameson.
Turns out that those dolls sure can drink.
“ I need a PBR,” Sissy Rinkshaw said during the middle of our interview.
Considering Sissy is my future wife, I was quick to oblige and we resumed our
interview once the beer was in her hand.
From
that point on, the interviews degenerated as the consumption increased. In the
end, the Dolls danced the night away to the dope DJ, and I did, too.
It
was a good time had by all and the fun I had made up for the next day’s
hangover.
So,
the next time the Dolls roll into town, roll on over to the Coliseum and take
a peek. You won’t be disappointed.
“ The girls are kick-ass. They do kick ass and they’re just awesome,” skater
Sin Dixie said.
I
couldn’t agree more.
For
more information on the Denver Roller Dolls visit www.denverrollerdolls.com
