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May 4, 2006 Vol 28 No.30

A question from a hetero
NIC GARCIA
ngarci20@mscd.edu

      Dear Nic,

      I’m an 18-year-old senior in high school and I have a big problem. Since I was 5, people have believed I was gay.
Sure, I liked to stay inside and play pretend with the girls and their Barbies while the other boys were playing football. I just always thought football was so barbaric and unimaginative.

      Later, in middle school, I took a liking to the theater. I even got a lead in “Annie Get Your Gun.”
      In high school, I discovered school spirit. I combined my dancing talent and personality to become a male cheerleader.

      The kids at my high school call me fag and gay all the time. Girls love to hang out with me, but only to go shopping or ask about fashion. Every time I ask a girl out, they just laugh because they think I’m joking. One of my best friends even tried to hook me up with one of her gay friends.

      My parents are the worst. They are so proud to say they have a gay son. They flaunt me around like a brand new sports car. They’re already bragging about the big gay wedding they’re planning. If they could, they’d invite Elton John, I’m sure.

      Nic, I’m straight. I think about girls all the time. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been attracted to women.
      But people keep pushing me into typical homosexual roles: dates without sex, let alone a kiss, long conversations with girls pertaining to other guys, “Sex and the City” nights, facial parties, etc.

      I don’t want to disappoint anyone, I’m terrified I’ll lose all of my friends if I tell them the truth, and I’m most afraid of my parents. What will their friends think? Honestly, I think they know. One time, my mom found a Playboy magazine in my room. She asked and hounded me. I told her I might be bi. She started to cry, then turned on me. She started screaming, “this is only going to be a phase” and “you are gay.” There was no way she could ever accept having a heterosexual son. They’re planning on sending me to a conversion camp, an acting school in New York.

      Help me, Nic. I can’t continue to live like this. I am straight. How do I tell people I’m not who they think I am? Sincerely, A helpless hetero Dear Helpless,
I’m sorry to hear about your troubles.

      First and foremost, whatever you do, do not come out to your parents when you’re drunk or at a family function. No one takes a drunk seriously and your parents will already be embarrassed by this revelation. You need not do more harm. And always wait until after a holiday. We don’t want you to miss out on any presents, now do we?

      I applaud you for realizing at a young age that you are indeed a ‘ro – that’s short for hetero. I, too, came to understand my fabulousness … umm … I mean my gay “tendencies” during my days on the playground. Hopscotch was so much fun!

      Speaking of fun, you said you did theater.

      How is that working for you?

      Queer isn’t it? You love to act, but you’re sick and tired of pretending to be a friend of Dorothy.

      Hey, did you take any cues from the straight guy that played in “Brokeback Mountain”? You know, Heath Ledger?

      I remember when I had to play straight. Being someone you’re not is damaging to the psyche. I’m sure you’ve said, “maybe I am gay” or “this straight thing has to be a phase,” to yourself plenty of times. You wake up and fall asleep wondering “Why me?” Every time you say or do something out of your real character, you ache. You hide the tears with the smile. You pray no one discovers your secret. You dream of … freedom, the freedom to truly be you, of peace of mind, of heart.

      Honey, listen to me, coming out isn’t easy. And I am so sorry that the people in your life have put a burden like this on you. It isn’t right for people—especially the ones who “love” you—to push on you their idea of how you should live your life.

      Part of life—hell, the purpose of life—is to discover and embrace yourself and to be every bit of you that you can be. It’s hard—about as hard as Susan Lucci winning an Emmy. But, the ecstasy that will come thereafter is paramount.

      Take your hetero self and look long and hard in the mirror and smile. And then have a nice sit-down with your family and friends and explain everything to them. Love of self is an amazing thing. If you embrace your heterosexuality, people will understand and adore you for it. Sure, some will decline. But such a small percent they will be. And the real fans of the real you will shine in the summer sun.

      Smooches,
      Nic

P.S. If you have any more questions, you can find me this summer under the disco ball!

Part of life, hell, the purpose of life, is to discover and embrace yourself and to be every bit of you that you can be. It's hard—about as hard as Susan Lucci wining an Emmy. But, the ecstasy that will come thereafter is paramount.

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