MTV’s ‘Real World’ not so real
ZOË WILLIAMS
williamz@mscd.edu

      Several weeks back, Denver received the news that it would be the next host of MTV’s pseudo-reality show “The Real World.”

      Upon hearing this update, I instantly flashed back to being age 12, staring into the TV screen wishing I was as cool as the cast on the show. I remembered my father walking past and asking, “What is this trash?” and the time, three years later, when I realized it was trash. Regardless, after a little refresher from the MTV Web site on the inner workings of “The Real World”—to compensate for my TV sobriety—a summary of the real world ala MTV doesn’t take much effort.

      Take seven people who would never cross paths in their entire lives. This generally includes an all-American country boy, a woman with a severe alcohol problem and little inhibitions, a queer, a starving artist and a sleazy guy known to many as a “playa.” Make sure they are all stereotypicallyattractive. Put them in a ridiculously lavish house—hot tub and a bar within walking distance mandatory, stuffed with name brand food and decorations. Then, sit back and wait for drunken table dancing, scandalous showers, street-side vomiting and lots of conflict.

      Now, that doesn’t sound too real to me. Therefore, I thought maybe MTV could use some advice. If you call your show “The Real World,” it should have some semblance of reality.

      After all, there are pretty people who are not young and do not weigh 80 pounds, or crush cans in between their pectorals, so find some of them. I am talking about women who don’t shave, men who don’t lift weights and wardrobes that are not direct replicas of what can be seen on the mannequins at Urban Outfitters.

      Now, make the stars of “The Real World” pay some rent. No one lives in a fully furbished house in LoDo for free. Make the roommates work to pay their rent, and not work one of the stylish jobs producers generally organize for the cast. Have the cast working at their respective Wal-Mart, mechanical, construction or janitorial jobs. Make them figure out how many hours and how many jobs it takes for a person to live the MTV dream.

      Pick one of the roommates to live outside.

      This person will symbolize one of the 1700 families in the Denver area without a home. Additionally, pick a roommate to live without sufficient food seeing as how one in 10 U.S. households goes hungry. Ask a refugee of a war-torn country to fill an opening.

      Want some conflict? Make a privileged, white, U.S. citizen respond to some questions posed by a victim of U.S. wars. Perhaps the cast could also take a little trip to work in a sweatshop to see where nearly 80 percent of U.S. clothing is made, rather than snowboarding in the Alps.

      OK, so this probably won’t happen. Just be reassured that, at the very least, the chucklehead cast and crew of “The Real World’s” fantasy world probably won’t leave LoDo’s borders, leaving us, and the rest of Denver, to our very real lives.