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May 4, 2006 Vol 28 No.30

EYESIGHT

Gay Witness
By Emily Varisco • varisco@mscd.edu

      When I received the third “where are you?” text message, I figured I better get my ass over to meet my gay friend for a night of gay fun. I arrive at his gay friend’s apartment only to find my gay friend already far past tipsy, sporting a T-shirt that read “princess.”

      My friend, Nic, a 200-plus-pound, proud homosexual leads me to a refrigeratorholding nothing but Fresca, variousforms of alcohol and lunchmeat. At this point, I could only imagine where the night might lead.

      Shortly after hearing “Emily, where’s your camera?” come repeatedly from the bathroom, I run to find Nic open-mouthed, gawking as his friend Dan shaves his chest.
      It wasn’t long before Nic took hold of the Bic and began helping his friend out, tongue hanging from his mouth, mind you. After witnessing such an event I had nothing
to do but bum a smoke and shake my head while bouncing to the latest pop-icon remix, in spite of myself.

      When 9 p.m. rolled around, my friend Leah—a.k.a. my moral support from the straight land—and I began following a speeding pickup truck full of queens down the narrow streets leading to an infamous gay club.

      An hour later, it was clear to me that if I was going to keep up with Nic on the dance floor, then some alcohol was going to be involved. Not only that, but Leah was looking for any excuse to get out of her conversation with the Asian about Mariah, apparently his favorite. So, to the bar it was. After downing rum with some Coke for color, we returned to the dance floor and I resumed to carry out my night as a straight girl with gay friends. And, as they say, the rest is history.

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