Campus police Îminor leaguersâ in world
of Cops

Score another one for the brilliant detective work of Auraria Campus Police.

It was early in the day of Nov. 3. A light fog was still on the campus, and the Tivoli was eerily quiet. And then it was discovered. Someone stole the art.
 

Yes, the priceless sculpture that hung in the Multicultural Lounge had been pilfered, and along with it, the security and piece of mind of some Metro art students.

Sky Walker, the student who hung the sculpture, reported the theft to campus police.

But the thief was too good. Police couldnât find any suspects or leads. He was in and out like a wisp of smoke, gone before anyone even noticed. Obviously a professional.

Yeah, right, Chief Wiggum.

Maybe it would have helped if the police had actually done a little investigating. You know, asked some of the people who work in the building if they had seen anything. Looked around a little bit. Maybe even thought about it for a few moments.

If they had, the sculpture would have been found in the Tivoli Conference Services office, where it had been since Monday, when an employee noticed it had fallen down and took it the office to be picked up.

After the last issue of The Metropolitan came out detailing the ătheft,ä someone from the office contacted the police to let them know where the art was.  This was a good thing÷ since there was no witness, obviously nothing had been done.

What are we paying these yahoos for, anyway? Is their presence on this campus deterring all that much crime? Thefts still occur on a daily basis. Why? Because as long as no one sees it happen, youâll get away with it.

Campus police have much more important things to be doing than investigating theft, like compiling meaningless crime statistics, writing traffic tickets and watching COPS in our offices (continuing education, maybe?).

Maybe itâs the nature of the job. Is campus police the minor leagues for the city police departments? Is this where they keep the third and fourth stringers? Are these the guys who failed Investigations 101 in police academy?

And if campus police is in fact where the rejected boys (and girls) in blue end up ÷ why? Considering how much we pay for things like parking, why donât we just get a real satellite Denver Police Department here?

I know what ACP is saying now, ăWe are real officers of the law!!ä If thatâs so, then why canât you arrest someone off campus? ăThatâs not our jurisdiction.ä

That has nothing to do with jurisdiction ÷ thatâs jurisprudence. The powers that be figure theyâll keep you where you can do the least harm.

I guess it is comforting in a way. If I donât get a career as a columnist, I can always steal what I need to survive here on campus.