The Boiler Room

Tivoli Student Union

Happy Hour: 4-7 Mondays-Fridays

The last time I was at the BR, somebody, I recall it was the bar manager, kicked me out, saying something to the effect of, ãdonât ever try to come back here again.ä

It was after attending a Broncos game and I was totally sober, so I donât know what the problem was.
So with that in mind: The BR is OK. It has cool new video games, and it used to have cute waitresses. If the BR were anywhere but on campus, it just wouldnât be like Mayberry.
 

ãI just called the campus police, and they have your description,ä someone said. Good thing I didnât become just another statistic.

Not that getting kicked out of bars isnât bad enough, last week the Rocky Mountain News reported that 10 students were cited on Auraria Campus for liquor violations.

If I could get 10 people up in Sheriff Taylorâs jail, weâd be havinâ a par-tay.
Here, future and past student drinkers, is the Top 10 Ways to Get Caught Drinking at School (because present student drinkers already know whatâs up.):

1. You do all your homework for next hour at the bar.

2. When your prof asks if you got No. 40 right, you say, ãYou should have asked, I finished it in the car.ä

3. You leave your tab open at Soapy Smithâs while attending Feminist Theory (WMS 230).

4. You keep referring to your notes as ãMy gin and juice.ä

5. You think thereâs enough time between 10:50 and 11 to make it to the BR.

6. For Speech 101, you explain the subtle difference between a Bombay and tonic vs. a Tangueray and tonic.
 

7. You ask your photo teacher if itâs OK to take a break for happy hour.

8. You think itâs safe to have ãonly one martini and a $7 cigarä before night accounting class.

9. You count drinking with an associate professor as ãextra credit.ä

10. You buy E&J Cask and Cream to mix with your coffee and forget to add the coffee.
The BR is, of course, located in the Historic Tivoli, otherwise known as ãTaco Bell and McDonaldâs.ä For more information, consult this newspaper staff or look for an ad in your spring class bulletin.

÷by Frank Kimitch