White history month? Ha!
By Dave Flomberg
The MEtropolitan
As many of you are aware, White Man History Month is fast approaching. The Metro Association of Niceties (The MAN) has put together a slew of activities, lectures, discussions and presentations to commemorate this highly important month. The following is a list, along with dates and descriptions.
On the 1st: Festivities to launch with a parade through campus, featuring Lyndon Larouche, David Duke and Fuzzy Zoeller floats. Music will be provided by the Storm Troopers of Death, and refreshments ÷ white bread and mayonnaise sandwiches with milk ÷ will be served.
On the 3rd: The Mooners series is sponsoring a lecture, Why the White Man Has No Rhythm. Marky Mark to speak. Tivoli Atrium.
On the 5th: Dueling Banjoes and a Guy With Spoons to perform. Tivoli Atrium.
On the 6th: Panel discussion, How to Get Your Sheets the Whitest, featuring Sammy Joe Bixby and Tammy Sue Yohannsen. Workshop on tailoring your sheet to fit follows. Tivoli 560.
On the 8th: Lecture, Why Canadians are the Greatest People Around, featuring Jim Carey and Peter Jennings.
On the 12th: Square-dance lessons in the Tivoli Turnhalle.
On the 14th: Panel discussion, Why Canāt I Marry My Cousin? featuring some member of British royalty, an Arkansan and two women from Kentucky. Tivoli 530.
On the 17th: Monster truck and gun repair workshop in the Tivoli Turnhalle. Please bring your own tools, guns and trucks.
On the 21st: The Mooners series is sponsoring a panel discussion, Why Great Britain Should Annex the World. Tivoli Turnhalle.
On the 22nd: Ma and Pa Kettleās Washboard Basin Band, featuring Jimbo Hawkins on the comb wrapped in tissue. Tivoli Atrium.
On the 28th: Lecture, Great White Achievements in Racial Relations. This lecture is slated for three minutes, so a Great Moments in Hockey History film festival will follow..
The MAN would like to thank the student body for all its earnest support of White Man History Month. The MAN is all about promoting purity and harmony within certain boundaries. The MAN national headquarters is located in Ottawa, Canada, and all prospective members are asked to submit a letter of application with their name, ethnic background (for tax purposes, of course) and picture to The MANās office on campus.
