Ignorant perceptions create an ugly, unfortunate reality

By Michael BeDan
The Metropolitan

Everyone had him pegged. Macho. Tough guy. The kind who watches SportsCenter reruns as he reads Sports Illustrated and drinks whiskey.

His gruff voice, muscular body and comprehensive knowledge of sports only proved the point.
But as the people in the office got to know him better, they realized something. This guy wasnāt just some hard-ass. Nope. He had a brain, too.

He writes screenplays, reads Shakespeare and can correct a journalistās grammar with confidence and accuracy.
It was enough to make him a popular figure around the office.

And, perhaps, the most revealing aspect of his personality is his affinity for the Celtics. Not the Celtics of old, the team that won 16 NBA titles. No, the Celtics as they are ÷ pathetic.

Dave is no fair-weather fan. He supports his team in good times and bad.

Unconditionally.

He is a manās man in every stereotypical way. He once switched out the transmission on a truck on top of a mountain. Because he had to. He works construction. He was in the Navy.

Funny how one little detail can derail a manās life.

I saw him in class one day, sitting in the middle of the last row from the door. He looked tortured. I asked him what was wrong. ćLong story,ä he said, ćIāll tell you after class.ä

As we walked from the West Classroom, he said heād left work the night before and found graffiti on the windshield of his truck.

ćAll fags are sexual whores.ä Other insults.

I was confused. I asked him why anyone would do that.

ćWell, Mike, I am gay.ä

He later admitted that heād worried about telling me. He thought Iād treat him differently or think of him differently.

Well, he was half right. I do think of him differently, as do many of his co-workers who found out about the vandalism.

The big difference is that I have a new understanding of Dave.

I can understand why his head hangs some days. I can see why he feels uncomfortable at work now that many people know what theyād never dreamed about him. I see the questions in his eyes when he comes to work and has to wonder if a co-worker is having a bad day or is treating him differently because heās gay.

He doesnāt know anymore.

And the funny thing is, he never tried to hide it. People just assumed what they wanted to assume.

But for the life of me, I canāt figure out why his choice of partners makes a difference in how people choose to treat him.

It doesnāt change anything about him. Your perception is your problem.

It shouldnāt be his.