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Curious George, please cover your ears
By Zoë Williams
williamz@mscd.edu

President George Bush stepped up to the podium on Sept. 5 to give a national address looking just as much like a beady-eyed deer in the headlights as ever.

As usual, his speech was laden with clichés. This time, it was “taking the words of the enemy seriously.” Mainstream media was smattered with quotes labeling this speech a call to the United States to listen to the voices of evil.

I have an idea for Georgie Porgie: stop listening to the voices of evil. Really, half of his speeches end up sounding like Darth Vader quotes.

“You are either with us or with the terrorists” may not have the same chilling power of “I find your lack of faith disturbing,” but it is a start for a halfwit businessman impersonating James Earl Jones.

Of course, if Bush had some wit, he might muster a few chills reading a Shakespearian proclamation to the human rights organizations that condemn torture in his military sieges of Iraq and Afghanistan.

Take Richard III, for example: “Conscience is but a word that cowards use, devised at first to keep the strong in awe: our strong arms be our conscience, our swords our law!”

Perhaps a stern, old-fashioned European demeanor could help Bush manage Javert of Les Miserables: “It’s a pity the law doesn’t allow me to be merciful.”

Unfortunately, our president is about as articulate as the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland screaming, “Sentence first! Verdict afterwards!”

This nation will do what it wants. It has the power, it has the jurisdiction and it has a mumbling bobble head named George W. Bush to sputter out imperialistic slogans.

Can’t we at least get a better mascot?