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Marriage is gay
By Taylor Sullivan
tsulli21@mscd.edu

Sonja Foss, UCD communications professor and world-renowned rhetorician, has a good definition for rhetoric: the human use of symbols to communicate. Words, in this case, are symbols because they symbolize something that they are not. The word dog, for instance, communicates the notion of a dog to English speakers. The letters d-o-g are not actually a dog. They don’t wag their tail and piss on the floor.

With that said, some words are a little more slippery. To some people, pissed means angry. To others, drunk.

Language is fluid and constantly evolving. The meanings of words constantly change, even from person to person.

So what does the word marriage symbolize to you?

Union? Love? Tax benefits? Procreation? Two people who stay together for the kids and hate each other but sleep in the same bed to save religious face? Two men who have a long history of loving monogamy together and plan on spending the rest of their lives with each other?

Dictionaries, laws and religious dogma all state that a marriage is between a man and a woman. Our president vomits on and on about how America needs to protect the “sanctity of marriage.” Evangelicals tramp the earth demonizing gay lifestyles while their fearless leader is in a Cheesman Park apartment getting a “massage” from a gay prostitute after “flushing” a fistful of meth.

Let’s check the role books to see what other notable names committed the carnal sin. Artifacts show a long history of homosexuality and (gasp) gay marriage in ancient Asia. In Greece, men were frequently married. Same goes for Rome. There are reports that Roman Emperor Nero married two different men. What scandal!

But what about the Bible? It clearly says that gay sex will get you a one-way ticket to Satan’s (renovated) kitchen. It’s suggested that the Old Testament says that King David lay down with Jonathan, King Saul’s son – talk about a Goliath.

Even King James, the guy who gets a nod in every English version of the book, loved boys. Scholar John Boswell contends that the Catholic Church performed gay marriages until the 14th century.

The argument that America is the first culture to ever propose gay marriage is ludicrous. Marriage is a cultural ceremony celebrating the union of two people. There are several examples of societies that have included gay marriage in their culture. Maryland, for instance, is one of those historically traditional cultures.

The United States as an institution may not legally recognize gay marriage, but several million gay and straight Americans do. The word marriage symbolizes a union of love to them, not a government-dictated, dogma-ruled organization of a male and female for missionary-style procreation.

So close your eyes and think about what the word marriage means to you. Now take a deep breath and realize that you are the only person to whom this meaning matters.