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Advice From Chick & Dick

My most nagging problem is that, despite all of my quests for enlightenment, I still have not uncovered the meaning of life. It really puts me in a rut, you know, not having a purpose and all. So I was just curious about your thoughts concerning my ultimate destiny. What should we strive for? What’s the meaning of life? –Wondering Wanderer

Chick: The search for enlightenment never ends, nor should it. Your ultimate destiny I can answer to, however. It is to be eaten by worms or thrown to the wind, unless your heirs choose to set you on a mantel in a decorative container.

So let’s take up the former bit about enlightenment, and what you should strive for. Happiness, happiness and happiness again. Because when you are happy, you will spread it around you. And when you are happy, the part of your soul that looks over your shoulder and knows if you are being good and doing good is satisfied.

Lincoln had a plaque on his wall that said everything you need to know:

“When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.”

The rest is about balance, and we all have to judge that for ourselves every day. Live part of your life like you’ll die tomorrow, and part like you’ll live to be 100. For example: have a hamburger and fries for lunch, follow it up with afternoon delight, then put in some time volunteering at the homeless shelter, followed by salad for dindin. Voila!

Dick: That’s your most nagging problem? Who the hell are you, Socrates? Considering that your question addresses life issues such as quality, value, significance, purpose and other broad notions of grandiose philosophy, you’d be best off enrolling in a qualified class, or going to the library and reading some of the great Greeks, like the aforementioned Socrates, or maybe, Aristotle or Plato. I, my friend, am no Plato.

But since you’re asking me, I’ll tell you what I think. The meaning of life should be to improve yours and those around you. And by sitting on your ass, wallowing in self-pity and worry, you’re definitely not reaching your potential, that’s for sure. Don’t waste a moment, I say. Drink, eat, play, make love and be happy, for fuck’s sake. Don’t get me wrong, I think you have a legitimate question. But I also feel certain that whatever almighty powers that MIGHT exist would be disappointed to find you wasting so much time on existential blather instead of living life to its fullest and, maybe, getting laid once in awhile in the process.