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Straight guy: Lesbians’ lone competition for girls at gay bars

This all started in high school while I was dating a beautiful ballerina girl. She knew a lot of people and decided one night that we were going to go to a party one of her dancer friends was having.

After some quality time with malt liquor – hey, we were underage – I realized that I was surrounded by only gay men and straight women. Taken aback, I decided more malt liquor was needed.

Hey, this was the first time I had been in such a situation and liquor seemed like the only good idea.

After some conversation and somewhere in between a lot of man-on- man hugs, I became a little curious. Why were there so many single, attractive ladies here?

A few years have passed now, and I can easily assimilate myself into the gay culture. I am a straight man working at a gay restaurant. I knew when I applied at Hamburger Mary’s that being the only straight guy there meant I could have my choice of any of the women who stopped by.

Unless they, too, were into women.

No doubt one of the best untapped resources in the gay community for straight men like myself is a gay bar.

Hamburger Mary’s is just one of several bars along 17th Avenue geared toward attracting the gay and lesbian culture. Several of these places have dollar beer during happy hour, and JR’s even has 50-cent beer on Thursday nights. This cheap and readily available liquor only adds to the craziness and mayhem that hanging out with gay men often causes. Going out with my gay friends is very loud but very visually stimulating.

Cheap drinks. And good-looking women.

While I am out at the gay bars, I am introduced to every single girl there, and I have the ultimate wingmen in tow: gay men.

I scan the bar, see all the eligible women and I become very excited. I suck in my gut, fist-pump the air and I am off to the races. As I strut down the bar and give double-barreled finger- guns to all the fine ladies, I choose a target and send in the gays.

The gays are notorious for “girl talk.” They warm ‘em up. I take them home. Meanwhile, the guys take home each other. It’s win, win.

There are times when I am in a gay bar and all I have to contend with are three straight guys, and one of them is usually with his girlfriend, as opposed to a straight bar where there are a lot of men looking for women. Therefore, cruising for chicks in a gay bar is ideal.

On a busy night there are often a good number of single and straight girls there as well.

Finding a girl in a gay club is almost as bad as shooting fish in a barrel. I begin to feel a bit of remorse. But then I remember they came of their own free will.

As I drink with my friends, I look back on the night with the troupe of dancers and thank my lucky stars for finding this icy tundra full of untapped oil.