Home > Metrospective

A few ways to avoid pissing o your bartender

Every now and again while I’m bartending I get obnoxious customers who expect to be served first. For example, last week I was taking a drink order and someone else interrupted with, “I’ll take two rum and Cokes and a shot of tequila.”

Being impatient and acting like a complete jerk are not going to get you very far with a bartender. And in the drunkest city in America – that’s Denver – a bartender is a good person to consider a friend.

In order to assist you in your next trip to the watering hole, I’ve made up a list of rules to make your relationship with your bartender a lot better. If nothing else, you won’t look like a total dick while sipping your martini.

Don’t yell out your bartender’s name.

If you have a previous relationship with a bartender at your favorite haunt you should know patience is a virtue. She’ll get to you and with a smile if you politely wait your turn. Friend or no friend, at a busy bar the rule is: first come, first serve.

Have your money ready.

Bartenders can’t stand it when people don’t have their money ready. Not only is the bartender waiting on you, but so is everyone behind you. And of course the only person to blame in this situation is the bartender. So have your credit card or cash handy before you order your drink.

Don’t whistle!

Even if you were raised in a barn, no bartender is your animal.

Don’t ask to be “hooked up.”

We all know you want a strong drink. But asking for it won’t get you anywhere. Tip well and your drink will reflect it.

Don’t ask your bartender to make your favorite drink from another bar.

Different bars have different names for various elixirs. No bartender in Uptown is going to know how to make your favorite strawberry infusion bubble gum drink from a bar in LoDo.

Don’t apologize for not tipping.

“I’ll get you the next round,” is one of the most bogus things a bartender can hear. It’s as empty as promising to call your one-night stand. If you can’t afford to tip, don’t bother going to a bar. Buy a 40 and call it a night.

Moreover, keep outrageous orders to a minimum. Don’t be the person who orders two Washington Apples, a Red Snapper, a Pink Lady and three Bud Lights.

You should always tip. A dollar a drink at most bars is standard.

But here’s a hint, heavy tipping usually leads to stronger drinks. So tip heavily in the beginning. That way, the next time you come to get a drink you will most likely be taken care of.

Finally, understand that bartenders are people, too. They aren’t robots. Believe me when I say they move as quickly as they can to get your drink to you.

If nothing else, the sooner they get the drink to you, the sooner they get their tip.