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Last Updated: Oct 16th, 2008 - 13:33:17 |
If my calculations are correct, my aunt and uncle have been married 9,131 days, or in simpler terms, 25 years.
Over eggs at Racine's two weekends ago, my grandma told me of the upcoming milestone, and that my Aunt Paula's and Uncle Walt's church, the Family Worship Center, would be honoring them with a ceremony when the couple renew their vows.
"I know with work and other things you may not be able to make it," she told me. "But your aunt would love you to be there."
Work is never an issue on Sunday. The way I see it, if the Lord doesn't work, then neither do I. But "other things," would have made it impossible for me to attend.
To say a family conflict of biblical proportions exists between my aunt's family and me is an understatement. For those who like to keep score, my aunt is my father's sister. This is the same aunt who said she had never felt closer to Satan than the week she accidentally came across the Gay Pride celebration in Washington, D.C.
I quoted my aunt saying so in an article I wrote in this very paper. I never showed my aunt the article, but through the miracles of God, someone did. She was offended and thought I misinterpreted her words. I don't think I did. I think since that day, however, she has come to realize that while, in her opinion, gays and lesbians are living in sin, so is everyone else. And she told me that, too.
You see, my aunt and I are both Scorpios. Neither of us will ever budge on this issue. I'm gay, and she wants to be my aunt "for eternity." She believes that if I continue to act on my desires of the flesh, I'll be spending my afterlife at the not-so-hip Fire Island of Hell.
In the end, she and I hugged it out. She's praying for me. And with that off my to-do list, I'm free to be fabulous.
But all kidding aside, her son believed my words were unforgivable. In fact, my cousin once refused to be in the same house - his mother's house - as me for Thanksgiving dinner. And I thought it was the gay who is supposed to hold the grudge.
But I made sure to get myself to the church last Sunday. I believe love should always be celebrated. And family, regardless, is family.
My uncle and cousin were wearing matching dark champagne suits. Their shirts were a royal blue, their ties golden. My aunt was also wearing champagne, a lighter pastel. Their daughter wore a simple cream dress. The bride's party carried daisies just like they did 25 years ago.
I was seated in the front row with my father. He's been divorced twice. To say my aunt and uncle defied all odds to make it this long would be true. They came close to ending it a few times, my aunt confided in me. But with the help of God and the church, they stuck it out, and hopefully they're happier than they were in 1982.
Their pastor asked them to walk down memory lane. He told them to think about the first time they held hands, the first time they kissed, the first time they said "I love you," the first time they fought and the first time they made up.
Sitting behind me was another cousin. He's gay as well. He and his partner never got a chance to renew their vows in front of family and friends. Hell, they never had a chance to have a marriage ceremony. And sadly, they never will, as my cousin's partner recently passed away. But I'm sure that didn't stop him from remembering their first kiss, the first time they said "I love you," the first time they fought and the first time they made up.
I've never had a boyfriend. But that doesn't stop me from dreaming of my wedding day. I know exactly how I want it. Our fathers will give us away. We'll each have a best man and a fag hag of honor. It will be classic, black tuxes, very formal. At the reception we'll dance with our parents and, of course, we'll have an open bar.
It is my most earnest belief that marriage in its current state should be abolished. Any religious body should be able to marry whomever they deem worthy of this most sacred blessing. And the federal and state governments must honor the belief that all citizens share the same rights, and honor civil unions between any two people wishing to create a life together.
The pastor was right: "Marriage isn't a contract." Neither is love. And this is why the government must step away from this most natural action, so that anyone, regardless of their race, gender or religion, can love whomever they choose freely.
The marriage process should be two-fold. The government must create a civil union agreement, sans any theology, and a marriage ceremony, sans any governmental regulations, should be performed separately. This does two things. First, it creates equal rights for all citizens. Secondly, it upholds the notion of the separation of church and state that is woven through our Bill of Rights. Keeping marriage exclusively in the church can only make the ceremony and emotion behind the union stronger.
"Love never fails," says 1 Corinthians 13:8, but if we don't heed my suggestions, the government and church will.
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