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Last Updated: Oct 16th, 2008 - 13:33:17 |
Despite the fact that voters have yet to uncover any real social or political value in the debate concerning the political qualifications of people with brunette skin and objectionable genitalia, both U.S. presidential candidates have gone ahead and reinforced political hallucination at home by bringing yet another irrelevant issue to the forefront of our political discourse. They have effectively managed to condense the race for the American presidency, just as they did in 2004, to a basic schoolyard competition between the world's most powerful men and one elusive man who lives in a cave.
Indeed, Osama bin Laden still manages to bask in the spotlight of American politics.
John McCain wants to follow bin Laden "to the gates of Hell," which, conveniently, is where many anticipate McCain to be going even without the additional strain of tracking another person to get there. Barack Obama disagrees, maintaining that he will be the one to find bin Laden, who he claims is hiding in a cave probably in Pakistan, perhaps in Afghanistan, but certainly not in Iraq. In fact, there is very little evidence to suggest that bin Laden has not taken up residence underneath a suburban home somewhere in Middle America. According to officials, that home might be, and very probably is, your own. Thus, today is a yellow day.
Although Obama is less than prepared to make religious insinuations regarding the most sought-after phantom of our time, he is unwilling to commit to any specific neighborhood of subterranean hideaway, saying that to give out such information during an election year would be disastrous to the safety of the American people. An issue that both candidates agree is of supreme importance.
To be sure, and absolutely sure, the men vying for the most powerful position known to mankind are, after decades of searching, still unable to pinpoint the whereabouts of what is likely to be an extremely dirty man of Middle Eastern descent who has for some time been reduced to tunneling his way around southwest Asia with a home video camera and an astonishingly clean, white turban. A man who they also claim is responsible for the most terrifying and life-altering attacks ever to occur on American soil.
The apparent confusion over the search for bin Laden has kept the United States in violent combat in Afghanistan for nearly seven years. In August, the U.S. military was accused of murdering 90 civilians, including 60 children, in western Afghanistan after an airstrike leveled a town thought to be harboring militants. Apparently, the U.S. military gave up on spelunking and opted for the more traditional mass bombardment of everything and anything thought to be in some way anti-American.
Although the arbitrary "War on Terror" could not end, by definition, with the capture of Osama bin Laden, just as the arbitrary "War on Drugs" does not end when a sack of weed is stolen by the police, the war without bin Laden would be a preposterous mess. Bin Laden is the only tangible enemy, the only face that Americans have to associate with this imperialist endeavor, and so he must remain. He is a political device, and will linger as such at least until the masterminds behind the parties find some need to create one more abreast of the times.
Bin Laden's name has as much political clout as any true Machiavellian could desire. But whether or not he himself managed to cripple the minds and confidence of millions of people is at least debatable. And since both of the men seeking the U.S. presidency claim that he is simply a dirtball in a cave somewhere, smart people cannot help but to assume that we are missing very important pieces to this puzzle. Pieces that are not likely to be found while fear regarding bin Laden's motives still exist, and while his existence still proves itself as an indispensible ally to the United States government.
On a more personal note, I would like to be Osama bin Laden. There is something attractive, romantic even, in the idea of living from cave to cave, being hunted by the world's most powerful criminals and still managing to beat them at every turn. It would be like fulfilling a childhood dream. But that is quite enough of that sort of weird talk. People might get the wrong idea. ...
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