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Last Updated: Oct 16th, 2008 - 13:33:17 |
That was the question posed by John McCain at a political rally in Albuquerque earlier this week. And when an American war hero questions the character of a come-from-nowhere, liberal dark horse, it is in our best interest to listen intently, lest we sink blindly back into some foreign or even domestic conflict arranged by forces plotting to destroy the American dollar and the bald eagle and the hotdog and everything else we love.
Or, at least that appears to be the logic we've been asked to consider.
Senator McCain and Governor Sarah Palin have directed warning after warning at television cameras across the nation cautioning voters about the uncertain and probably nefarious background of Barack Obama, a man who may very well be the Antichrist building an army of liberals to fight against Jesus on the fields of Armageddon. The man is not to be trusted, they say, and the country must free itself from the spell Obama has cast over its voters before Muslims and minorities take over the White House and adulterate the pure American populace into an amalgamation of freaks.
Republicans are urging mothers, alcoholics named Joe and anyone else who may consider themselves a patriot to beware: there be dark forces within the Democratic Party aiming to rob you of your beer, your money and your way of life.
Which may or may not be true. But, Barack Hussein Obama is vehemently opposed by a prominent war veteran who feels that he is clandestinely un-American, shares at least a part of the name of a man famous for gassing people, could potentially be a Muslim, smokes cigarettes, is of African American decent and tools around, according to the GOP, with a domestic terrorist from a 1960s militant group hell-bent on bombing Washington D.C. That is not the best track record for a man seeking the presidency, but despite of all that, the polls indicate that he is doing fine.
Why? Well, there may be more to Obama's success than we might think. Indeed, the opposing party has very serious problems of its own.
There is a rumor floating around now among campaign insiders that McCain was recently instructed by his doctors to wear a diaper at all times, for the rest of his life. The Associated Press has not yet mentioned this issue, either because they are feigning ignorance, or they feel that McCain's aging and utterly useless intestinal tract is an issue of little relevance to the presidential race. But others, namely those who fear both candidates, have been asking how McCain will be able to pick up the telephone at 3 a.m. when terrorists and perverts and Obama are threatening to come after their children when he cannot even make it to the toilet.
Evidence of McCain's problem is clear. All video footage and eyewitness accounts of the man's movements suggest that either his skeleton is broken and causes him to tighten his shoulders and constrict his movements out of shear arthritic pain, or that he is often soiling his pants. Both of these scenarios are plausible, considering the man's age, but the rumors suggest rather that McCain is simply fouling himself every time he talks about the economy, the war or anything else. Something which may be explainable, at least in part, by the gravity of these subjects weighing in on his feeble mind. That stress, combined with his waning ability to manage his natural cycles, has lead to McCain's regular corruption of a number of suits and various other outfits, consequently forcing his campaign to ship new ones in by the dozen on the Straight Talk Express plane.
Generally, when aging people begin to sully themselves uncontrollably, it is taken as a sign that the end is on its way. They are put into homes with other elderly people, and high school kids who require public service experience to graduate are left to deal with them.
In this case, however, it is the American people who will perhaps be left with a President who cannot control either his temper or his bowels- something which might have been almost tolerable were it not for the fact that Palin would take over at the helm should McCain's aging body get the better of him. It would be, in the very least, complicated to decide whether a dead man or Palin should be in the Oval Office, but I am hopeful that things will not sink that low.
So, in less than one month, this decision whether to vote for a doddering, helpless old war hero and his dill-witted puppet or an unscrupulous impostor who may take the whole nation hostage will be upon us. Third party candidates never matter.
This is it folks. This is the best we have. Bad moons are rising, left and right. "One woe is past; and, behold, there come two woes more hereafter."-Revelation.
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